5 Months

I remember being 5 months pregnant. We had found out a few weeks before that our little Juice Drop is a girl. We were beginning to decorate the nursery in blacks, creams, whites, and delicious peaches. I was selecting fabrics that would soon be pillows and curtains. My heart was overflowing with joy knowing that our lives would forever change in a few short months. And has it ever! I was brought to tears the other night as Anna fed off of me. Nursing has been a much more difficult task than I had expected but I wouldn't change that time, just her and I, for the the world. Tears fell as I thought about what Anna's going to be like in a year, in five years, in 10 years, and then as a teenager. A teenager?! Is that possible? Can my baby girl grow that old? And I know it'll happen just like **that**. I cried because I don't want my baby girl to grow up. I want to hold her just as she was the other night forever, her and I, nursing together. Sometimes life doesn't feel real. I can't actually believe this little baby, who came from me, will actually grow into a child, a teenager, an adult. That just doesn't seem possible. I cried out to God asking why my little girl has to grow up, why can't she stay just like she is? As a Father, I would think my Lord would feel the same feelings I feel. But then a thought came to me, He wants to see me grow, grow in love with Him. As I grow I love more. Do I not want that for my daughter as well? A resounding YES! As Anna grows she will love her parents more and more. We'll also be able to teach her about her Heavenly Father who she will love more and more as well--we pray!  More growth brings more love, more joy. My selfishness wants to hold my baby forever just as she is now but my love for her wants her to grow in the Father's love. So grow, Anna, grow! Mommy will just have to hold onto these memories of you being this little forever.

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