Anna Jubilee's Birth Story

If you would've told me I'd have to endure that much pain I don't know if I would've gone through with it. I would have begged for an epidural long before it was too late. Because, you see, when it comes to risk, pain, and anything where I know I'll get hurt, I'm a baby. Truly I am.

On the other hand, I'm also very stubborn and strong willed. When I have it in my mind to do something (or not do something), I do it (or not), no matter what. No one is going to talk me out of it.

So I had it in my mind to have a natural birth, and I went through with it, even when my nurse asked several times what my pain was on a scale of 1-10, 10 being I'm going to slap you if I don't get pain meds right now! Oh, a 6, I'd say. Yeah, well if she would've asked me that when I was dilated at 9 cm, I might have slapped her--if I had the energy. She didn't ask after 7 cm because by then it was too late. Hindsight, I'm glad I didn't have the choice after 7 cm because in the end I accomplished what I was set out to do--have a drug-free delivery relying on God to get me through so I could hold the child He created inside of me. And, oh, did I need Him more than ever!

As I type this, Anna is asleep on my chest. Our favorite thing to do. I look down at her in utter amazement. She is my child, I am her Mommy. This is something I've been dreaming of since I was a little girl. Some girls dream of their wedding, I dreamt of being a mommy. God gave me my heart's desire. He blessed me with the most beautiful gift anyone could give. And this gift means so much more because of what I had to endure to receive it. The joy that is brought after the pain is even better. Joy comes in the morning and she sure did!

I think Anna really wanted to give her Mommy the best birthday present because even though I went into active labor (4 cm dilated) at 1 pm on Thursday, the 20th, she didn't arrive until the next morning, on my birthday. From the beginning we were told I was going to have a long labor. She was posterior, so it was going to be more challenging to get her out. I was progressing very slowly even though my contractions were strong and every 3-4 minutes. We arrived at the hospital at 4 am on Thursday morning and waited in an observation room for 4 hours. By the time 8 am rolled around, the doctor told me I'd only dilated one cm since being there and if I stay they'd put me on Pitocin in 6 hours to speed things along. She advised me to go home and rest if I was set on having a natural delivery and to come back when contractions were so strong I couldn't walk or talk through them. So we went home.

I tried to rest, it didn't work. Every contraction felt like a kick in the back and I knew this baby was coming today (or so I thought). This is when I realized Anna's placement of being posterior meant I was going to experience back labor. My only relief was to have a fist in my back upon every contraction. And Travis had the perfect fist for the job (by the end he said he had to put himself in crazy positions in order to meet this demand and his hand was sore and swollen). We were back in the hospital 2 hours later. And we waited, and waited, and waited for 4 hours to get into a labor and delivery room. Apparently everyone and their sister were having babies that day too. Throughout this time contractions were getting stronger and I knew it was time to begin my breathing and relaxing techniques I learned in birthing class. If not for those, I would've never gotten through childbirth.

They finally found us a room and from there things progressed quickly until I reached 7 cm...and then I stalled. In my birthing class I was told "transition" (7 cm-9 cm) would be the toughest part of the delivery but also the shortest. Well for me it was the longest. I endured "transition" for 7 hours! At that point Travis said I went into a "zone". I was somewhere else. I didn't talk that entire time and it was as if nothing else in the world mattered but focusing on getting through every contraction, knowing each time I was one step closer to meeting my baby girl. Music played in the background, and even though the 15 song playlist was on repeat, each word gave me new energy to keep going. The pain was like nothing I've ever felt before but so was God's presence. Around 10 pm, the doctors suggested breaking my water to speed things along. There were no guarantees but what was guaranteed was the contractions would get worse. I decided to do it. They immediately found out meconium (baby poop) was in my water and when Anna would finally come they'd have to rush her away to make sure she hadn't ingested any during labor. Travis was discouraged and upset. I was bound and determined to get this baby out asap. But this lasted another 4 hours before I was allowed to push. And when they said contractions would get stronger, oh boy, they went to a level I never want to feel again! It was very difficult at this point to stay in my "zone"and to continue to breath and relax through each contraction. I needed Travis to hold my hand and dig his fist in my back from the beginning of each contraction or I'd struggle to get through it. My body was beginning to naturally push and a few times I thought I was ready too.

 

It wasn't until 2 am, Friday morning, when it was finally time to push! When that happened my mind got a new sense of energy, however, my body was completely exhausted and pushing for an hour and a half did absolutely nothing. I could see the discouraged looks in Travis and my nurse's faces. How in the world was I going to possibly get this baby out? I couldn't even hold my legs up or keep my chin to my chest by myself. It wasn't until my nurse suggested a tug-of-war move when I finally understood the feeling, and that's when all the doctors and more nurses began pouring into the room. I felt like I was on a movie set. The room had been dark the entire time and all of a sudden spotlights were shinning on me and 10+ people were up in my face and other regions of my body. After a few pushes one of the doctors realized Anna's head was positioned sideways and not in the normal face towards my back position (and yet another reason why this labor took so long!) So for every push I had a doctor inside of me trying to reposition Anna's head, and Travis, along with four other nurses and doctors, holding my legs and pushing my chin to my chest. The best part of pushing was hearing everyone in that room cheer for me for every push. I imagined my family and friends in that room with me encouraging me, rooting me on, and truly excited for what was to come. I really believe these doctors and nurses were genuine in their praises. Some of these doctors we saw the morning before (one who had told me to go home and rest). So they knew what I had gone through, and I believe they wanted to see it through to the end. That final push came and I knew this was it. I didn't want to push anymore so I pushed longer than I had before and that was it! Out came Anna Jubilee at 4:23 am on September 21st after 2 and a half hours of pushing and on her Mommy's birthday. Smiles, laughs, and tears filled the room, even by some of the nurses who see this stuff everyday! They whisked her away just like they said they would to make sure she hadn't swallowed any poop and to clean her up. I heard her little cries and all I wanted to do was hold her (and go to sleep!) When they finally put her on my chest, with her big blue eyes looking up at me, I was in heaven. It was love at first sight. 

Although it was a long, very painful, and at times discouraging delivery Travis and I both felt God's presence in that room, with us, and with Anna the entire time. We saw Him in our nurses, one who attends our church and the other who cried for us at the end. We saw Him in our friends who sent encouraging texts with scriptures and prayers. We saw Him in Anna whose heartbeat stayed constant for the entire labor and delivery even when her head was stuck in my canal for two hours (nurses continually commented in awe of how happy she was). We saw Him in our team of doctors who cheered for me as if they had known me for years. We saw Him protecting our daughter from ingesting meconium and contracting Group Beta Strep. We found Him in our joy that came in the morning after the suffering the night before. 

Anna (gracious, merciful) Jubilee (joy, celebration): How gracious and merciful is He! He has brought us much joy and so much to celebrate!

You said "I know that this will hurt"

The Lord has made Romans 8:22-28 known to me on a couple of occasions.

First, it was a little over a year ago when everyone and their sister were getting pregnant. If you know anything about me, you know that I've always desired to be a mother. I feel like it's part of the calling God has placed on my life. I've been ready since I was a kid and for Travis and me to wait as long as we did to finally have a child took a lot of patience and trusting in God. I was reassured of God's timing and his faithfulness when I stumbled upon this passage and more aptly this verse:

"But if we look forward to something we don't have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently." Romans 8:25 (NLT)

Then a few months ago the Lord brought this passage back to me.

I love God's Word because it's always relevant to what you're going through. You could've read a certain passage 10 times throughout a given year and each time it says something different, something that applies to what you're going through at that specific time.

When I stumbled upon this passage again I was beginning to feel the affects of pregnancy, and I was also thinking a lot about the type of birth I was going to have. Do I want to have pain meds that allow me to feel nothing, and not know what my body is going through or do I want to go natural and feel every contraction, every pain--a pain so powerful some women compare it to completing a marathon? Usually I would say give me the drugs!! But something inside of me was telling me I can do this without meds, I can get through this pain! And I think that something was the Holy Spirit.

Now this passage isn't directly about pregnancy but instead compares our life with Christ here on earth longing for that day in Heaven to a woman who is pregnant, giving birth, and in a whole LOTTA pain. Take a look see (I've added the italicized in parenthesis):

"All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us (Juice Drop). The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance (I'm yearning for a full delivery!). That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us (I'm enlarged and haven't seen Juice Drop just yet). But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy (pregnancy takes a while, just as labor does, but in the end it's all worth it!). Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along (when labor gets too intense or I get too tired, God is right there with me, experiencing the pain too). If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in us and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans (oh, I'll be groaning all right!). He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God (He knows my body better than I do, and He knows I can do this!). That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good (and when I see my daughter's face, all will be GOOD!)." Romans 8:22-28 (The Message)

Wow! What an amazing passage not just for me going through labor but for that yearning and desire to be with our Heavenly Father. How great the Father's love for us that we will go through whatever it takes to be with Him, and all along He is there right beside us going through the same pain and anguish. We find joy in enduring these "birth pangs" because we know in the end it is all worth it, our joy will be complete, and we will experience no more pain!

I know it sounds crazy, to experience pain for the joy that comes in the end. But I look forward to feeling that pain, to that feeling where I know I'm alive, so that in the end I will be pain-free and will know joy like I've never known before!

**Disclaimer: I realize circumstances arise when pain meds and other medical procedures are necessary for the mother and for the baby. I do not believe this makes the mother less of a mother, less of a woman, or less of a child of God. If you choose or it's deemed necessary to have medical intervention, then that's great. My goal is to have a natural birth and whatever happens in the labor and delivery room happens, and I'm trusting God to get me through it, whether it's naturally or with medical intervention.