In the Secret Place

I thought this week was going to be hard. I thought I was going to be lonely. I thought I would be sitting around twiddling my thumbs. Boy, was I wrong! I've been super busy, and really it's been a blessing! I've had the chance to hang out with many people, the Auyers are continuing to take care of me, and I've been able to experience the neighborhoods as me and not as Travis' wife. Besides twiddling my thumbs I thought I'd have to opportunity to really sit down and grow deeper with Jesus. Yesterday, after 4 days, I finally got that opportunity. Since Travis left I've been almost afraid to be alone; I've tried to keep myself busy with working out, watching movies, or surfing the web when I am by myself. So when the post office didn't go according to plan and then some lady gave me a nasty look, the only thing I could do is pull over into a parking lot and cry. If you know me, then you know I'm pretty sensitive and when I'm already on the fritz, just a mean look can send me over the edge. I realized at that moment that I hadn't breathed all week! I thought to myself, "I need to find the nearest park!" So I typed it into our borrowed gps and sped off as fast as I could toward the Carmel Rd Park. God knew that I was going to have this break down and would need to get away at that moment because I just so happened to have my bible which I rarely ever carry with me because it's so big. He is so Good! I spent the next 2 hours reading, praying, and worshipping Jesus. While I love the occasions where I can just spend hours with Him, I realized that in order to live life to the full, I need to breathe Him in everyday. I need to allow Him to breathe in me every day too and not just when I have a meltdown and book it to the nearest park. My devotion yesterday (from Oswald Chamber's My Upmost for His Highest) said it best and was perfectly fitting:

Unless in the first waking moment of the day you learn to fling the door wide back and let God in, you will work on a wrong level all day; but swing the door wide open and pray to your Father in secret, and every public thing will be stamped with the presence of God.

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