Grace

It's funny what adding one more kid to the mix will do to a family. In ours Baby Owen has brought joy, excitement, and wonder. He's also brought with him higher loads of laundry, less sleep for me, bigger messes from all, and more discipline for the older two. Talk about sanctification! Then there is this new ability I've acquired this time around to let things just slide off my shoulders.

As I recently skimmed through old posts I wrote following the birth of Theo I couldn't help but want to give my former self a huge hug. I didn't want to tell her everything was going to be OK and to cherish the moments because that wouldn't have helped. Those were hard times. Going from one to two kids was really, REALLY tough. It was one of the blocks I put in place as we contemplated having more. I remember how bad my eyes burned from the exhaustion of not sleeping more than 2 hours at a time while attempting to console a fussy baby night and day. I was drowning in laundry and dishes and to-do lists. And looking back now I know I didn't savor all the sweet and new things that come with a newborn. I say that because I don't remember any of it. How could I? I was running on a few hours of sleep here and there. I was just ready to move past it all and get back to a normal routine.

All work and no sleep makes Jess a dull girl

You would think we took another break from social media but that is not the case. I really don't know how you mothers of more than one actually have time to sit down and write. It must be the fact that your babies are actually sleeping through the night. And if that's the case, oh, how I do envy you.

I really believe God gave mothers extra energy. He had to have. There is no humanly possible way someone can get by on multiple nights of only 2 hours of sleep at a time. And when I say multiple nights I mean five months. Basically since we've been a family of four. I can count on one hand the number of nights I've been able to sleep longer than 4 hours at a time. Does it sound like I'm venting? Yes, it does, and yes, I am. I feel like this is a safe place to do that. And you may say, "that's what you've signed up for in being a parent" or "get over it, we all go through tough times". And I don't want a pity party. I just want to hear an Amen! that parenting is hard as crap! After people ask if Theo is sleeping and I just laugh they ask me how I do it. I just do. I've learned to love coffee again. So there's that. I get by just getting what needs to be done and some days not even that (hence why the blog has been put on the back burner). Baby books are still sitting empty, pictures are still on my phone and camera and have yet to be uploaded to Shutterfly to make beautiful photo books, and projects around the house are being left incomplete. But those things can wait right? Even though every time I think about them I get a twinge of guilt because I want to work on them, I realize at least the most important things are being tended to. My kids are being fed, the house hasn't totally fallen to shambles (it may have taken me a week to finally fold 3 baskets of clothes but hey they eventually got done), and since I took a fast from social media for a month I've been able to find time to fall more in love with Christ and find a new hunger for the Word.

Speaking of sleeping, or lack there of, we tried putting Theo in his crib for the first time two weeks ago. Travis and I were both so ready to move him over to his and Anna's bedroom. Travis has been wanting to do it for a long time but I just didn't want to keep getting up every 2 hours to feed Theo and I was afraid he'd wake up Anna every time. After I realized he was waking himself up because he was outgrowing his bassinet I finally relented. The first night was awful! Theo was up every hour. But since then he's been sleeping so much better. Not 9-11 hours like Anna was at this age (I just can't even. I hate my former self for ever complaining about anything!) but between 3-4 hours and that's better than what it was when he was in the room with us. Anna's doing great! She sleeps right through his crying. And so does Travis. He's all "I didn't hear him last night. Did he even wake up?" Yes, Travis, like every other night he woke up at least twice. You'll know when he sleeps through the night, I'll throw a huge party. Naps have been really good. They nap together and it'll usually last 2-3 hours so I'm able to catch a quick nap or get things done around the house or finally finish that blog post I've been trying to write for the past month. Nap times make up for the rough nights for sure. In the next month or so we're going to try dropping the middle of the night feedings by letting him cry it out a bit. Since Anna already sleeps right through his cries I'm hopeful he'll be able to learn to soothe himself without bothering her. **fingers crossed**

Yesterday was rough. Theo was very clingy. I told Travis he's going through a growth spurt because he seems ravenous, he's teething, or he's super tired because he hasn't been sleeping well. Travis reminded me that unfortunately at Theo's age he could be experiencing all three! At one point during the day while he was inconsolable I was trying my best to stay calm and tell him he was ok and in the midst of crying he gave me a huge smile. I had to stop and thank God for my sweet little guy. In that moment I was reminded that time is fleeting. My kids won't always be vying for my attention like they do now and one day I'm going to miss that. So instead of getting upset that I couldn't console him, I held Theo even tighter in that moment. He eventually calmed down and fell asleep in my arms. Usually I'd lay him down in his crib. Instead I let him sleep on me while I took a little snooze as well because, again, time is fleeting.

So maybe I'll be back in a few days or maybe it won't be for another 6 weeks. In the meantime please grant me grace while we try to catch up on sleep over here.

As of Late

The past two months have been crazy, to say the least. I feel like I'm finally wrapping my head around the fact that I'm a mother of two and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This is the first time I've really had the desire or energy to sit down and write a post. This blog has definitely been neglected. Sorry I'm not sorry. But really though, all you new mothers of more than one child, how do you have time to devote to your blog?! I give you props, ladies, because this mama is spent come bedtime and all I want to do is veg on the couch watching old Parks and Rec's episodes. I mean, who has the time to edit photos and write a post to go along with it when I have a toddler who won't nap most days, a baby who refuses to not be held 24/7, a house that still needs to be cleaned, plus all the hoopla that goes along with the holidays. Ain't nobody got time for that! I promise I'm in the process of writing Theo's birth story. It will be published one of these days! But until then you'll have to settle for pictures of Anna during our trip to Charleston this past weekend and little tidbits of our happenings with her since Theo came along.

Seriously, this girl. I think I'm more in love with her than before Theo graced our presence. I just can't get enough of her and all I want to do is cuddle with her. Her giggles, her tiny voice, her sweet spirit, and those eyes. They getchya. It's like when you look into them you're gazing into her soul. Those eyes are dangerous. She can get whatever she wants with those eyes. And mommy and daddy have to be very careful not to fall into her trap because she knows it. There are times when I'm disciplining her and I have to look away for fear of being sucked in. True story.

Then there are her "smarts". She knows her ABC's--or her ABCD's as she calls them; she can count to 10 successfully--11 is "robin" and then she repeats 14 until we help her along to 20; she sings all the time--her current favorites are Jingle Bells, "kinkle, kinkle, widdle stah", and the "la la" song aka The Fighter by Mumford and Sons; she repeats everything she hears including "gosh", "oh man!" and "what the heck!"--oops! Travis and I are working on our filter; she is super polite telling complete strangers "thank you" when they hold the door open for her (melts my heart and makes this Mama proud!), she'll even tell me "no thank you" when I ask her to throw away baby brother's diaper for me--how can I be mad at that?!

She's the complete opposite of me when it comes to her fearlessness and her desire for adventure. It's going to be the death of me. We moved her to her big girl bed at the beginning of November after we found out she could jump into and out of her crib. She would climb up onto her rocking chair that was next to the crib, climb on its arm, climb onto the railing of the crib and then balance on half an inch of wood before jumping in! Insane. And then somehow manage to climb out. We knew it was time. She's done great in her big girl bed. Thankfully it's not on a frame or we'd be hearing lots of bumps in the night. 

She is super strong willed. And that is exactly like me. We butt heads for sure and a lot of the times I have to catch myself before I lose my patience. I try to remember that she learns patience from me and when I want her to exercise patience I should be the one modeling it. We're working on "no" right now. I know she says it because I say it way too much--I'm working on that too. The times when I just want to throw my hands up and turn my head for fear of laughing is when she looks me in the eye and says "No way!" Obviously I've said those words way too many times (insert embarrassed hands-over-eyes emoji). 

She's been into all things baby after she got a doll for her first birthday last year but since Theo came along it's been like baby overload for her. We're finding Theo's diapers on baby dolls, I saw her "nursing" one of her dolls while she was supposed to be napping, she's constantly changing her dolls clothes, and then one day I caught her trying to change Theo's diaper. It was almost an epic disaster! After laying Theo in his bassinet I went to use the bathroom. I thought Anna and Theo would be ok by themselves for the few minutes I was gone, ha! Anna started saying "poopy, poopy, poopy". I knew Theo was poopy and I had planned on changing him when I was done using the bathroom myself so I just thought Anna was stating the obvious. I took my time washing my hands and checking myself in the mirror--first time that day--and Anna's still saying "poopy". Yeah, yeah, Anna, ok. I finally walk into my bedroom and there lies Theo with a huge smile, his pajamas unbuttoned, his diaper pulled down but thankfully all of its contents still intact, and Anna still saying "poopy"! I gasped and said "Oh, Anna! (ok, I could make a huge deal out of this and scar my child or I could handle this appropriately--I chose the latter) Thank you for helping change Theo's diaper! Mommy and Daddy are the only ones who can change his diaper. I think your babies need changed though too" and out the door she ran. Crisis averted!

I'm not sure the point of this post except that I just needed to write. I haven't been able to write as much as I'd like but getting to sit down and put some of our sweet memories with Anna on paper makes my heart feel happy. These early years are fleeting and the time goes by just way too fast. I want to bottle up every little thing my children do and, for Anna, say. I know it's not possible and I hate that. So until someone figures out a way to do that and lets all us parents know I'll continue to find small openings in my week where I can write out and capture our beautiful life together.

Patience

That's the Fruit of the Spirit the Lord has been telling me to practice. Let me tell you, it's much harder than it looks. Especially when dealing with a 20 month old. You think you have all the patience in the world and then you get a screaming toddler in your face and all you want to do is scream right back. But you can't. You've got to be the adult here. Then there are times when I think it'd be easier to just let her get her way. Let her go without brushing her teeth because she kicks and screams and absolutely hates it. Let her go without changing her diaper or sitting in her carseat or throwing her food on the floor or letting her watch the 4th episode of "Yo Gabba Gabba". Then I remember if I let her get her way then she'll grow up with bad teeth, a never ending butt rash, and be a spoiled, entitled adult. And we don't want that. So until then I have to be the bigger person. I have to let the Spirit live through me. I have to allow patience to overtake me. And then and only then will she also learn patience. Yes, she's a toddler. Yes, she'll continue to whine and scream and kick and yell when she wants her way. But when she sees Mommy being patient and not screaming back at her then maybe one day she'll think "oh, that's how we behave and maybe, just maybe I'll get my way if I act appropriately". (She still won't always get her way but she'll learn that she has a better chance when she practices patience also). At least that's what I'm praying for! Or for at least "time out" to start actually working!

Another area where patience is needed is waiting to meet our little man. Oh, October can't come soon enough! But at the same time I'm trying to cherish every single minute we have with Anna as the only child (even when she's throwing a fit ;) So being patient in meeting our baby boy hasn't been as challenging as dealing with a toddler but whenever I feel those little kicks I get excited for when I can finally see those little feet outside of my belly!

How far along? 19 Weeks

How big is baby? the size of a mango and he's working on his five senses--they're all developing in his brain! 

Total weight gain: meh, around 12 pounds 

Maternity clothes? only when I'm in public trying to look nice, otherwise it's gym shorts, leggings, and tshirts and tank tops

Sleep: last night was the best sleep yet! I think it's because I finally turned on our humidifier so it wasn't so dry which made breathing through my nose much easier. I didn't even get up once to pee! 
Best moment this week: taking Anna to the pool and just seeing sheer joy on her face. She loves it so much. So much that she grunts and makes noises the entire hour we're in the pool! No joke. 

Miss Anything? running as fast as I can in Athletic Conditioning class. I felt like the fat kid lagging behind all the athletic kids this morning. "Oh, don't wait up guys. Keep going. I'm just going to take a little nap here in the grass."

Movement: lots!

Food cravings: nothing in particular, I just want to eat all the time!

Gender: baby boy!

Symptoms: heartburn, bloating, baby kicks, peeing, always hungry 

Belly Button in or out? out

Happy or Moody most of the time: moody, it seems like the last 2 weeks (besides finding out about our little guy) every little thing is stressing me out (I know, I know, not good for baby). Our dryer broke, my tooth chipped so I had to go get that fixed, we both need new glasses and we're both on our last pair of contacts and we have yet to schedule an eye appointment, we're heading to Ohio and Indiana in less than 2 weeks, and vacation in July is still not totally pinned down, among other things. More than just a vacation, I need someone to plan it for me too!

Looking forward to: seeing family and friends in the next few weeks up north!