Confessions of a First Time Mom, Part Deux

I thought my post pregnancy hormones had settled down, then 6 weeks hit and it was like I got ran over by a freight train. All of a sudden my newborn wasn't so newborn-y anymore. She's like a little person now, waking up with a huge grin on her face to brighten my morning and coos telling me how her dreams were. So like I said 6 weeks hit and the waterworks began as I realized how fast my baby girl is growing before our eyes. I've caught myself on numerous occasions this week holding her a little longer before I put her in her bed for the night knowing another day down is another day she's older. I know this is perfectly okay but as I'm squeezing her I'm also bawling my eyes out! I begin to think of all the things I haven't done yet or things I told myself I would do and didn't do and now my chance has passed. 1. Likesuchas her baby book. I hadn't written in it at all! Now I forget a lot of what's happened. I opened the book the other day and on one of the pages I'm supposed to write about our first day and night home. What did we do when we got home? I have no idea!--this of course is something she is so desperately going to want to know 25 years from now! 2. Although I have a ton of pictures and a decent amount of videos I really wanted to be that mom who did weekly updates or made a cool montage of my daughter 10 years from now looking back on the past 10 years. I hope she can forgive me for not buying those blocks with the numbers and weeks/months on them and taking her picture each week. She'll be ok, right? 3. Or how about the fact that friends and family bought her adorable, too cute for words outfits she can't fit into any longer that she wore only once or not at all?! This makes me so terribly sad. I hated removing her newborn clothes from her dresser and I know in just a few weeks (because she's growing like a weed!) I'll have to do the same with her 0-3 months clothes. 4. I think the biggest reason why the tears won't stop is because I just need a little more of Jesus in my life right now. I've missed Him in a big way. I know He's been right beside me this whole time but I think I've forgotten to acknowledge His presence. I still see Him, especially in my daughter, but I haven't had (let's be honest) taken the time to sit at His feet and just talk with Him, tell Him how I'm feeling, what I'm going through, and ask His guidance on how I can be the best mom and wife, since this is exactly what He's called me to. Even as I type this I can hear Him telling me what I've been ranting and raving over above isn't what makes me the Mom I need to be to Anna. The baby book, the pictures, the super cute outfits will all fade away, and yeah, they're great for memories, but what really matters is the love I'm giving to Anna, those times that I do hold her a little longer, the moments I sit and talk with her, sing over her, play with her--those are going to be what she remembers. So if I'm crying this week over a baby book, a lack of pictures taken and videos recorded, and outgrown outfits I've totally missed the point. And I really don't think that's why I'm crying. My baby girl is growing up too fast and I don't know if I can handle it. How do you other mothers do it?! I think I know how...well at least this is what I'm going to do...I'm going to stop living in the past and instead enjoy every moment I have with Anna. Life isn't going to slow down for me so I should probably cut back on the tears (don't get me wrong, some tears are good :) because while I'm crying, she's growing, and I may just miss it due to blurry vision.

My little cross eyed beauty, on the day we went home from the hospital

Anna's most recent picture from 6 1/2 weeks. She's making America (and her Mama and Daddy) proud :)

Confessions of a First Time Mom

Travis tells me I need to lighten up, but can I get an "Amen" from my sisters with young babies who try to go out in public and end up wishing you had just stayed inside in your pj's that you've been wearing for the past three days cuddling with your tiny babe?!

Let me just say, nursing a newborn full-time is hard...nursing a newborn in public is down-right impossible! And when you've got Miss Sloppy McGee as your daughter, it is out of the question to try to be graceful about it. This child has to wear a bib already! Plus I have to place a burp cloth under her in order to keep us both relatively dry. Maybe it's my fault, maybe the milk comes too fast for her, but in the end does it really matter who's to blame when both mother and child are dripping wet after every feeding? The nursing cover helps...kind of...not really at all. It's a two man job if you want to stay modest, and like I said, relatively dry. Travis has been a trooper when it comes to feeding time but I still freak out inside just waiting for that one nincompoop to come up to me and tell me how inappropriate I am for nursing while they try to enjoy their caramel latte on the other side of the Starbucks. Or for that moment when my boob pops out in front of the 8 year old boy while his mom stands by in disgust. Don't even think about sitting near a door lest a slight breeze may whip that cover off you so quickly your baby will be embarrassed for you! So my only solution to being modest and dry in public is this: make sure I have a pumped bottle with me everywhere I go or go out in increments of every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Ahh, the life of a mother of a newborn.

Don't ever leave the house without an extra outfit, plenty of diapers, and a butt-load of wipes (pun intended). We've been lucky enough to follow these principles--well at least the first and second; the third we had an incident at Starbucks last week where we ran out of wipes--not good! Our baby is known for peeing and pooping at the same time while the old diaper is off and you're just about to lay the new one under her. We've learned to put the new diaper under before taking the old off just so the new one can catch whatever may come. Even then, it doesn't stop that gallon of pee to make its way up her back soaking her outfit or the projectile poop to hit daddy's hand. But it does give you a better assurance that you won't have as big of a mess to clean. When we were at Starbucks last week the time came to change Anna's diaper--after trying to nurse (remember the paragraph before? Downright impossible, I tell ya!). Thankfully the women's bathroom had a changing table. I laid Anna down on her disposable changing pad and began to get to work. As I was switching out diapers, I quickly realized I may have been a little too eager to change her because she not only peed but managed to squirt out some poop, all the while someone began knocking on the door! They must not of heard me say someone is in here! or heard Anna's cries because they knocked 5 more times; hello!! Lady with a baby here!!! The pee doused her new diaper and also went up her back drenching her too cute outfit I was very proud of picking out earlier that day. As I tried to regain control of the situation I realized I only had one more baby wipe to clean up the mess! Too many things were happening all at once, Travis wasn't there to help like he could've so easily at home, and on top of it all Anna was crying and began moving up the table only to hit her head a few times on the end. Somehow the lone baby wipe got the job done. I finally got a fresh diaper on her (the last one I had) and her new outfit (not as cute as the first) and jetted out of the bathroom. That's not the end of the story. After recounting to Travis what just took place I finally was able to enjoy drink my luke-warm salted caramel hot chocolate, not before spilling a bit down Anna's back, and yes, onto the new outfit I just changed her into, making it look like she pooped on that outfit too. Thank God my hot chocolate was luke-warm, but gee golly can we have just one more thing happen?! It'd really make this story that much better, eh?! By that time I was just ready to throw in the towel and call it a day. Travis let me and I walked away wishing and praying going out in public only gets easier..other Mama's out there, please tell me it gets easier!

Anna's cues for when she's working on something, i.e. don't change diaper until grunts and funny faces have ceased.