11.03.2016

Here we go again

I can't believe the last time I posted was back in June. I didn't think it'd be like that, but the summer just got away, I got pregnant, I got really, really tired, and my writing was set on the back burner. I even wrote a post back in April promising myself I wouldn't do that again. I guess you could say I jinxed myself. Since realizing I went on an involuntary hiatus I've slowly started writing again. I have a few pieces in the works and maybe they'll make it to the blog, maybe they won't. I'm having trouble starting a piece and not finishing it. The trend recently has been I lose interest in that piece or I have another idea that pops in my mind and I have to get it down on paper or I'll lose it. Either way, I did finish this small thought below so I'll share it with you, plus there's a bumpdate following it. I contemplated whether I'd even do a bumpdate this time around because, you know, it's my third, but the more I thought about it the more I said, "yeah, this is my third, and he/she is just as important as my other two." So here we go again!


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I’m not scared. Maybe I should be. It is our third, and we will officially be outnumbered in less than 6 months. I have to be honest though, there were moments the first few weeks after finding out we’ll be adding another little chickie to our brood where I was stopped in my tracks wondering if we were crazy. One second I was full of regret, these two kids are driving me nuts, how can I handle another one? to the two we have already are perfect. The next second I was overjoyed, I’m so excited to have another sweet baby in my arms to Anna and Theo will be such great big siblings. And now, 19 weeks later, the joy overcomes any fears left.

Maybe it’s because I’m forgetting what it’s like to be up every few hours with a newborn, the constant need to change my clothes, their clothes, because of the spit up and blow outs and leaky boobs. The not knowing how to soothe and still having to be mommy to my other two children. I’ve heard from some moms who have 3+ kids just how difficult it is…“Going from two to three was the hardest for me.”

And yet, there have been just as many who have said going from two to three was their easiest transition. Their third is the one who has to fall in line with the others, go along for the ride, adjust to the family’s already way of life. I’m taking comfort in this. Of course I know it’s not going to be a piece of cake. Newborns are hard, and personally for me, it’s not my favorite stage, but I think I’m more excited for this pregnancy than my other two. My expectations are realistic and they’re accurate. Or maybe my expectations just aren’t there because I’m tired of having them.

But above forgetting what it was like with the first two or the lack of expectations this time around, the reason I am most excited and not terrified is because I know the love for another one surpasses any sleepless night, blow out diaper, leaky boob, crying fits, and spit up on my favorite shirt. I know my heart is just going to grow bigger because I remembered what that felt like when Theo came and it continues to grow bigger every day as the two of them grow older. My heart swells knowing in just a few short months I’ll get to hold another one who might look exactly like my first two or look nothing like them, having his or her own unique look.

As the kids and I drove along the other day, just minutes from our home, “Praise Him, Praise Him” played through the sound system from my phone. I gazed back into the rear view mirror and my breath was taken from me. Anna giggled as Theo, who is learning new words every day, sang along with the music. Tears filled my eyes, my heart has rarely ever been so full knowing my children were singing about the love of their Heavenly Father. My thoughts turned to the tiny baby in my belly, who we still don’t know yet. I imagined what it will be like in just a few short years when I gaze back through that rear view mirror and it won’t just be two singing but three. My heart almost couldn’t contain the love in that moment.

I'm not scared now. I'm just ready. Ready to be filled with joy. Ready to delight in my three children. Ready to be sanctified all over again. 


How far along? 19 Weeks
How big is baby? The size of a Gameboy and is beginning to sprout tiny little hairs from his/her head. Both my other two had a head full of hair at birth--can't wait to see if this one will too!
Total weight gain: 10 pounds
Maternity clothes? Most definitely
Sleep: I was sleeping amazingly until we moved, and I don't know if it's all the dust that was flying about or the change of seasons but my allergies have been awful making it impossible to breath at night. 
Best moment this week: Seeing our little one at our ultrasound appointment! Leading up to this appointment I had been a little anxious. I wasn't feeling the baby as much as I thought I should be since I'm so far along and this is my third baby. Of course my mind goes to the worst case scenario, and I was nervous something just wasn't right. Come to find out my placenta is anterior which means it's in the front side of my belly cushioning most of the kicks and jabs baby is throwing. I was a little bummed to know I won't feel him/her as much this pregnancy but also relieved knowing he/she is completely and perfectly healthy!
Miss Anything? Jogging. I tried the other day and had to stop a half a mile in because I was cramping up. I guess it's the elliptical and weight lifting for me.
Movement: Yes!
Food cravings: everything. I just love food.
Gender: Guys, I have the results in a sealed envelope literally 12 inches from where I am sitting right now. I could rip open that envelope and find out what our baby is in a matter of seconds! But I'm resisting. I'm pretending that that envelope isn't even there. We're waiting until Thanksgiving to find out with the rest of our family in Ohio. We'll see if that envelope stays intact until then!
Symptoms: Round ligament pain, indigestion
Belly Button in or out? In between
Happy or Moody most of the time: generally happy but the flip can switch at any given time.
Looking forward to: Finding out what's in that top secret sealed envelope! 

What are you, Little One? You sure do have the cutest nose!
Pregnant with Anna at 19 weeks

3 comments:

  1. I love all your honesty! So excited for your growing family! I'm still not sure if we will be done after this one comes or go for a third, but I know I'd be feeling all the same feelings. I'm already feeling divided thinking about two, but I know God has a perfect plan for both our families. XO

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    1. Thank you, Allison! I remember all the feels when I was pregnant with Theo and wondering how I could love another as much as I love Anna. I'm telling you, it is possible! I'm so excited for you to experience that love. It's the best!

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