A Letter to My Children

Dear Anna Jubilee,

You're a big sister! How did that happen? How are you old enough, big enough to have someone younger and smaller than you in our little family. You are already the best big sister to your little brother. You are so sweet, so loving, and so helpful. I was nervous how you'd react when we brought your brother home. I was afraid you'd poke his eyes out, try to feed him your crackers, and I'd have to continually tell you to be more gentle. But not once since we've been home have I had to worry about you. You're so gentle with Theo, you love giving him kisses, you love to hold him (even if it is for 2.5 seconds), you love to sing him songs, and the first question you ask in the morning is "where's baby brother?". I'm so proud of you, sweet girl. You're growing up way too fast but I love seeing you learn new things and become more of girl and less of a baby. You're a sponge right now and I swear you're a genius (I may be biased). You love singing, especially to Mumford and Sons. You enjoy drawing and I think you've inherited your Daddy's artistic abilities. Your fearlessness is going to be the death of me (or just make me pass out every now and then when you come crying to me with a broken appendage). You'll always hold a special place in my heart being my first child and my first (maybe only) girl. I pray you'd continue to grow in wisdom and stature and that Christ would always be the center of your joy. I love you, my sweet Anna Jubilee.

Dear Theo Shepherd,

You're finally here! A week early nonetheless; and while we weren't quite ready for you (considering you didn't have a name for the first 12 hours of your life), I'm not complaining. You, sir, are one special guy. You have your sister head over heals in love with you, and your Mommy and Daddy are pretty smitten as well. As soon as you entered the world my first words were "I love him so much!", and after taking a good look at you I realized how much you resembled Anna. For a few days I felt like I was reliving two years ago. But now, after two weeks, you're beginning to look less and less like your big sister and you're becoming your own person. I love it. Your eyes are starting to lighten, I can't wait to see what color they'll finally settle on. Will they stay blue like your Daddy's or turn brown like your sister's or will they change to a green like mine? Your cheeks are starting to fill out and become more and more kissable. You're still so fuzzy and soft and your sweet baby scent takes my breath away every time (or maybe that's all the poopy diapers!) You're always making noises and they are the funniest. The other night, I swear, Predator took over my son. One minute you sound like an alien, the next you sound like a velociraptor. I wished for a cuddly baby, and boy, did I get one! You won't let me put you down for a second. It makes for long nights since you don't sleep well if you're not on mine or your Daddy's chest. But that's ok. We can't stay upset for long because we just look at you and our hearts melt all over again. You have added so much to our little family. I already forget what life was like without you (more sleep, that's for sure!). I pray you would always know the love of the Father and that as you grow you would look to Him in all things. I love you, my precious Theo Shepherd.

Love,

Mommy

What's in a name, really?

It's been our trend to keep our lips sealed when it comes to naming our children. Anna Jubilee was kept a secret until she arrived and so will this little guy's. Anna's name was easy, it was picked out long before I even knew I was having a girl. However, this time around it's much more difficult. Boy names are hard! We didn't have a name picked if Anna was a boy. And this time we've been back and forth between two. We had one name for a while; the second name wasn't even a question until one day it was. And now weeks or maybe even days before our sweet baby boy arrives we still have yet to pin down which name we're going to go with! If you know anything about Travis and me then you know this just won't work. We can't go to the hospital still in doubt. We can't wait until he comes out of me and see what he looks like before we decide. We're not those kind of people. And it's stressing both of us out! We keep asking ourselves which name we'd regret the most if we decided not to use "that" name and we can't even decide on that! Maybe this wouldn't be so difficult if we knew for sure we want more children but two may be it for the Joneses. We want to meet our little guy with everything in our hearts but not knowing his name is making it ok that he still isn't here just yet. 

He's definitely bigger than this pumpkin but we didn't have anything larger and
I couldn't resist not including one this week!

How far along? 38 Weeks and 2 Days 

How big is baby? the size of a pumpkin--how fitting for this month! He may have an inch of hair already, which if the old wive's tale about the more heartburn the more hair then I believe it!

Total weight gain: 38 pounds

Maternity clothes? only when I'm in public trying to look nice, otherwise it's gym shorts, leggings, tshirts and tank tops

Sleep: I'm not holding my breath that'll it get any better until after baby boy is like 6 months old and is sleeping through the night. 

Best moment this week: spending the weekend at Lake Norman with my loves and good friends. It was the perfect relaxing way to spend one of our final weekends before Juice Drop arrives. 

Miss Anything? I know I say this every other week but again it's wine. 

Movement: still quite a bit and I realized why. Juice Drop is pretty much posterior (not an optimal birthing position) and so I feel a lot of his kicks and punches still. This is making me nervous since Anna was posterior and I had horrible back labor and it was very long. I was really hoping Juice Drop's labor would be different. Here's to being on my hands and knees for the next few weeks in order to encourage him to flip!

Food cravings: junk, junk, and anything junk

Gender: baby boy!

Labor Signs: braxton hicks, pelvic pressure

Symptoms: I've started to waddle! contractions, peeing all the time, tired, out of breath, rib and back pain, and my favorite: baby kicks!

Belly Button in or out? out

Happy or Moody most of the time: pretty happy! 

Looking forward to: a big bowl of the salted caramel gelato I got at Trader Joe's today. Told you I've been craving junk! But it's from Trader Joe's so it's healthy, right? ;)

So Close Yet So Far Away

A part of me was really hoping I'd be holding a baby in my arms by now. It's still a little early but since Saturday it's been a-okay for baby boy to come, and after last week's scare and my week of scrambling to get everything ready for him I couldn't be more excited! Every contraction, every cramp and pelvic pressure makes me wonder if this is it. However, according to my midwife at last Friday's appointment, I've made no progress. I'm still at 1.5 cm and apparently my cervix is really far back. Which I guess really means nothing because it could all change in a matter of minutes. She said I could go to my due date but she'd be surprised if I did--again, what does she really know? Juice Drop could come tomorrow or not for another 5 weeks! Oh the anticipation is killing me!

Hopefully spending evenings at the park can continue but if not we've got
these memories of running through the field, throwing rocks, and finding fish.

I'm also trying to savor these last few weeks (or days) with just the three of us--like we did just the two of us before Anna came along. I'm trying not to look too far ahead and just live in the moment. I'm enjoying the routines we have before it all gets out of whack by the arrival of a newborn. I'm cherishing the extra cuddle time because Anna is super clingy lately--I think she is starting to suspect something big is about to happen because she is never clingy or cuddly! I'm appreciating the fact that it's easy (or easier) to be out and about with just one child before I'm never going to want to go out in public with a toddler and newborn. It's all about to change and I'm just enjoying what we've got going on now so when baby boy finally does come we can have no regrets with how we spent the last few weeks before he became apart of our little family.

How far along? 37 Weeks and 3 Days 

How big is baby? the size of a winter melon and he's practicing perfecting his skills of inhaling, exhaling, sucking, griping, and blinking.

Total weight gain: 38 pounds--how has this happened?! How have I gained almost 40 pounds and feel smaller this time around than I did with Anna?! 

Maternity clothes? only when I'm in public trying to look nice, otherwise it's gym shorts, leggings, tshirts and tank tops

Sleep: as good as it can be when you're full term and have a huge belly in the way. Still getting up every few hours to pee. 

Best moment this week: spending time with just the three of us this weekend, playing at the park, going to the farmers market to buy mums, pumpkins, and peaches, and soaking up the sun before it gets too cold.

Miss Anything? feeling not pregnant

Movement: still quite a bit

Food cravings: junk, junk, and anything junk

Gender: baby boy!

Labor Signs: braxton hicks, pelvic pressure

Symptoms: I've started to waddle! contractions, peeing all the time, tired, out of breath, rib and back pain, and my favorite: baby kicks!

Belly Button in or out? out

Happy or Moody most of the time: pretty happy! 

Looking forward to: a weekend at the lake! If Juice Drop doesn't decide to come before then. Hopefully he doesn't decide to come while we're there either!!

Juice Drop's Attempt at an Early Arrival

So we had a bit of a scare really early Monday morning--as in it was just past midnight when I awoke to contractions. I thought I was waking up to do my usual nightly ritual of going to the bathroom at least 5 times but after I went I could not fall back asleep. I noticed I was having contractions every few minutes and finally I started timing them. Yep, every 4-5 minutes. After an hour I had 11 contractions. I started debating with myself if I should call my midwife. I really didn't want to but nothing seemed to be making them stop--changing positions (I was already lying down), drinking water, getting up to use the bathroom again. So after another half hour of regular contractions and moving downstairs to the couch I decided to call my midwife. She said she'd rather be safe than sorry and wanted me to come in to be put on an IV and a sedatives. So back upstairs I go to wake up Travis and tell him we have to go to the hospital. At this time it was 2:30 am and we knew we had to wake up our friend, coworker, and neighbor, Luke to see if he could come sit with Anna. We started packing our bags knowing there could be a chance we'd be bringing home a baby in a few days. I hadn't even started packing my hospital bag yet so I ended up forgetting a lot of things considering it was the middle of the night and I was a little flustered. We didn't even put the carseat in the car. We figured Travis or somebody could grab it for us if Juice Drop really did decide to come. After a phone call and several knocks on Luke's door he graciously came to sit with Anna. On the way to the hospital I just kept thinking, "He can't come today! He just can't! I have a baby shower tonight and we have an amazing date planned for tomorrow to see the musical Once". I was almost a little upset at the guy. "you better stay right where you are, mister!"

We arrived at the hospital just ahead of another woman who was actually in labor. She sat in her wheelchair and looked like she was in such pain as I walked to the front desk with a smile on my face--my contractions were indeed still regularly coming every 4-5 minutes but I hadn't had any pain with them. After being placed in our room my midwife came to check on me. 1 cm dilated, 70% effaced, -1 station. She said if I was dilated anymore than that then I may have had a baby later that day but since I wasn't they went ahead and put an IV with sedatives in me. As soon as that sedative went through my blood stream I felt so weird. I felt heavy, the room started spinning, and I couldn't move. Even though I felt like I could sleep forever on that stuff we were still in a hospital with beeping noises, our beautiful baby's heartbeat in the background, nurses coming to check on me, and I still had to pee every hour like usual. Travis tried to sleep too but those little couches just aren't like the comforts of your own bed. Around 8 am my midwife came to check on me again. My contractions had definitely slowed down and I was still only dilated 1.5 cm so she said I was free to go home. Woo HOOO! No baby coming today! We quickly got ready to go and after they discharged us we went straight to Burger King for one of their amazing croissantwiches. Ok, that may sound disgusting but it's my favorite fast food breakfast, and we needed to get home to our little girl who was probably wondering where we were! After relieving and thanking Luke we put in the movie Frozen and while Anna watched we tried to get a little shut eye. I haven't felt that exhausted in a looonnggg time. I guess this is how I'll be feeling in just a few short weeks. At least at that point I'll have a baby in my arms ;)

I don't know if I was in denial of the whole situation or I wasn't too concerned because I had done this before but throughout the whole time this was all going on I felt at peace. As soon as I heard his strong heartbeat I knew everything was going to be ok, even if we ended up meeting him that day. Usually my mind gets the better of me in these situations; my legs did start to shake at one point but I began breathing deeply and the shakes went away. God was in it all, he eased my mind and calmed my nerves, he took care of our sweet baby boy, and he brought a peace to that room that overwhelmed us all.

Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low!

How far along? 36 Weeks and 5 Days (another late post but we've had a crazy week!)

How big is baby? the size of a honeydew and he's getting closer to breathing on his own and his skin is getting smooth and soft. Ahhh, the feel of babies skin is the absolute best!

Total weight gain: 36 pounds

Maternity clothes? only when I'm in public trying to look nice, otherwise it's gym shorts, leggings, tshirts and tank tops

Sleep: It's been great since we've returned from the hospital! Plus I'm on zantac now so no late night heartburn affecting my sleep. 

Best moment this week: getting spoiled by our friends with baby showers and enjoying one last big date night with my man eating a delicious meal and seeing the musical "Once". 

Miss Anything? laying on my stomach. Not much longer!!!

Movement: he's still moving a whole lot. I thought he'd slow down by now but he was even moving through all those contractions. 

Food cravings: junk, junk, and anything junk

Gender: baby boy!

Labor Signs: see above...I don't feel like repeating myself ;) The few days after our hospital visit I was still getting contractions (not as regular) and I've felt more pelvic pressure, have lost some of my mucus plug (tmi?), and as one of my friends put it "lightning crotch" lol--shooting pains through your pelvis and legs. So there's that.

Symptoms: I've started to waddle! contractions, peeing all the time, tired, out of breath, rib and back pain, and my favorite: baby kicks!

Belly Button in or out? out

Happy or Moody most of the time: pretty happy! 

Looking forward to: my appointment tomorrow to see if I've progressed at all since being in the hospital!